


It’s Going to Be Worth It

by decafrose



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Awkward Merlin, Ballroom dances, Bisexual Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Disguised Merlin, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gender just doesn’t matter sometimes, I made up a lot of magical history, Inspired by The Two Princes, M/M, Made up creatures, Magic Revealed, Major Character Injury, Marriage Proposal, Oblivious Arthur, Possible Character Death, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Merlin, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Walking in the gardens, What Was I Thinking?, first time writing since quarantine started, forest creatures - Freeform, magic is connected to nature
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decafrose/pseuds/decafrose
Summary: There are whispers of an impending attack on Camelot deep in the forest. Of course, Merlin is rattled at first- to warn Uther, however, would cost him his greatest secret. He decides to wait...and nothing happens.Until the ground begins to crack. The crops refuse to grow. Trees and vines slowly trickle into the kingdom, stealing away the earth, and the kingdom sinks into drought and famine like they’ve never seen. Merlin longs to help. But to reveal his magic at a time when sorcery is so prominent in daily life, working against the people with a mind of its own, will certainly mean death.So, Merlin leaves Camelot.Days later, he returns with a clever disguise, and a plan (which does not involve falling for a certain prince).
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 119





	1. An Unsettling Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to this mess i call a story! it’s been a while since i’ve written anything, especially without my own characters, and even longer since i’ve actually watched this show- but i felt like i needed to contribute at least something to the fandom after being here so long. so, apologies in advance if (1) i don’t remember some things from the series, and (2) my writing style is a little weird. i’m trying to go for a more poetic, descriptive approach to storytelling, but i’m definitely still getting used to balancing that with easier to read action and dialogue! anyway, hope you at least like it enough to wonder how our boys fall in love this time! :))

The fire swayed in the light breeze, crimson tendrils reaching for the stars overhead. Merlin tossed the stick he’d been using to prod it to the ground. It would stay alight for at least a while now, and that meant Arthur would have one less thing to bother him about. Of course, the prat always found something to bother him about, who was he kidding?

Just as he lifted his hands to the fire, crunching twigs alerted Merlin of the prince’s return. Hopefully that meant he’d caught something to eat. Merlin’s stomach growled despite his efforts to keep it quiet. “Find anything, then?” he asked eagerly.

Arthur grumbled in response.

“I take it you didn’t.”

“Oh, shut up,” Arthur snapped. “You think you could do any better? I’d love to see it.”

Merlin rolled his eyes before returning his gaze to the fire. Of course he could, with a bit of magic. “No need for insults, sire. In fact, I happened to pack extra rations in case of emergency, so you really should be thanking me.” 

“That’ll be the day.” Arthur found his way into the knapsack lying beside the tent. It was quiet for a moment, save for the soft buzz of crickets and the constant, soft trickle of a spring across the way. “For the record, it’s not as if I couldn’t hit anything. There was just...nothing there.”

“So, that’s your excuse,” Merlin joked.

“I thought I told you to shut up.” Arthur glared at his servant before tearing into the bag. He pulled out two apples and a block of cheese. He tossed Merlin an apple, but kept the rest to himself.

“What, you can’t handle a few prods at your character? I jest, you know.” 

“It’s never funny.”

“Well, you haven’t executed me yet, so it seems you’re not too horribly offended.”

Arthur didn’t respond. Perhaps he agreed, but was too stubborn to admit it. That, or his mouth was full.

Merlin looked to the sky. It was much clearer here, like a painting, complete with tree branches slightly brushing at it. They’d return to Camelot tomorrow. Or at least, he hoped. Merlin doubted he could stand another night out here.

“How do you suppose that new order’s going to go?” Arthur blurted. 

Merlin scoffed. “Why are you asking me? My opinion’s not exactly valued in the court. Besides, I thought you wanted me to be quiet.”

“I know. I’m just...I don’t know. Worried. I understand Camelot needs the resources, but from the way my father talked about it, we’re going to be taking a lot from the forest. That’s bad, isn’t it?”

“I mean, yeah, in my opinion. But it’s not like we’ll take it all.”

“So many things live here.” Arthur looked wistfully into the flames. They danced effortlessly, illuminating his features in an odd, distorted way. His tone darkened. “And every time I enter, I get the feeling it’s not to be trifled with. It doesn’t belong to us.”

“Never knew you cared about it that much.”

“I don’t, really. That’s just a theory of mine. I can’t explain why I feel so strange about it.” Arthur fiddled with the claps on his jacket, eyes still and focused. Suddenly, he stood. “I’m off to bed. You’d better clean up around here, unless you’d like to keep watch or something and pretend to be useful. Good night, Merlin.”

“Good night, sire.”

Merlin relished the peace for a few short lived moments, with only the night life to keep him company. And when Arthur began to snore, though it was quite loud and obnoxious, Merlin was finally able to breathe. 

It was the perfect time for a bit of magic.

Merlin closed his eyes once again, heat tickling at his fingertips as embers fluttered toward his palm. It was a comfortable sort of heat. Not enough to burn him, and yet just enough to shield his hands from the impending chill of night.

Suddenly, the glow of the fire disappeared altogether, the tiny embers snatched from Merlin’s magical grip. A flock of birds soared overhead. Merlin watched them curiously, recalling Arthur’s excuses from earlier- nothing there. The prat just hadn’t been looking hard enough, it seemed. As usual.

But something wasn’t right. As soon as the birds arrived, they were gone, urgent cries echoing among them. Almost as if they were running from something.

“foolish”

Merlin’s senses flared. Something was close by. 

It probably wasn’t looking for trouble, Merlin thought, trying desperately to find a voice of reason within himself. Besides, if it meant harm, it certainly would have attacked by now. Whatever it was. Still, unease gnawed at Merlin’s stomach, begging him to at least see what was out there. What he could potentially be up against.

With a sigh, Merlin rose from his seat, half annoyed and half a bit scared. He shook the fatigue from his legs and began to make his way through the trees. He had to only do three things: (1) remember where the campsite was, (2) not step on anything that would make noise, and (3) find out what was speaking, if anything. Merlin prayed there would not be a fourth addition to his list.

“the prince is apprehensive, but the king does not think the same way as he”

There it was again! Merlin scanned his surroundings, a dull pain invading his eyes as he stumbled deeper into the unknown. It was like an echo, impossible for him to pinpoint where exactly the voice was coming from. On top of that, it didn’t even sound entirely real. Like something out of a dream.

“if the time comes, we must not hesitate to destroy them both”

It was close now. Merlin conjured a small sphere of light, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious presence. 

Seconds later, he came face to face with several pairs of empty eyes.

“it appears we have a guest”

The words were barely understandable. Frozen in terror, Merlin could only stare at the creatures in front of him. They were built of shadow, hollow eyes staring at him like lanterns, fingers like long dead trees crawling toward him. A chorus of distorted screeching slowly escalated until pressure built in Merlin’s ears.

Suddenly, one was leaning toward him, Merlin’s light catching rotten wood and wide, blinding eyes-

And then, Merlin awoke to pale sunlight. The creatures were gone.

Arthur didn’t care much when he found Merlin gone that morning. Or so he said. Merlin suspected he’d become very worried, spending at least twenty minutes shouting Merlin’s name, before finding his servant lying facedown in a pile of foliage.

“Well, who else was going to prepare breakfast?” Arthur whined in defense. “It’s a long way back to the castle, and I wasn’t about to leave on an empty stomach.”

“Of course, sire,” Merlin replied. He was still shaken from what he’d heard the night before, but he wasn’t about to tell the prince that. Arthur would probably just laugh and call Merlin some stupid name. 

“What’s wrong? Not going to insult me? Insist I was scared?” Arthur laughed.

“No, sire.”

A frown spread across Arthur’s face. Merlin didn’t notice. He kept his gaze strictly on the surrounding forest, watching for anything suspicious. Although it was daylight, you could never know what to expect.

By the time they’d reached Camelot, the sun was just starting to dip below the horizon. Arthur demanded a bath be drawn. Merlin gave him a thin lipped smile, promising to deliver. It had been a very long journey, after all, and God knows they both needed one. Merlin usually took these times as an opportunity to not-so-secretly gawk at Arthur, but tonight, the air was tense as he hurried to get the nightly routine over with.

Throughout the evening, it wasn’t hard to notice Merlin was on edge. He tried to keep a smile on his face, not wanting to worry anyone. Especially the prince. It could have been nothing. Right? A dream, Merlin kept telling himself. A nightmare. And he’d sleepwalked into the woods. It was a simple explanation.

But the voice remained in his ears. It mocked him. No, it hadn’t been a dream at all.


	2. On Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur notices his servant’s strange behavior. Merlin is desperate to find answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i completely forgot to talk update schedule. honestly, i have nothing better to do these days, so the chapters will probably come out very fast. i know how much i hate waiting for new chapters in stories, so i’m just going to publish whenever a new one’s ready. i already have a lot of this written anyway, it’s just a matter of proofreading and polishing!

Gaius turned away from his work. “What are you trying to say?”

“There was something out there,” Merlin insisted. “I didn’t get a good look at it- or, them, I suppose, there seemed to be more than one...but that’s not the point!”

“Well? Spit it out, boy, I don’t have all day.”

Merlin lowered his voice. “They were talking about killing Arthur and his father. Or, something like that. My memory’s a little fuzzy.”

It was quiet. At first, Merlin thought his mentor would laugh, blaming the episode on a few too many drinks. Instead, Gaius sighed and shook his head before making his way to the bookshelves.

“So you believe me?” Merlin asked.

“Well, you did hear a serious threat.” Gaius began to slide his fingertips across the shelf, searching for what he wanted, before finally pulling down an aged red book. He dropped it on the table before starting to rummage through its contents.

“What is that?” Merlin peered over Gaius’s shoulder. All he could see were faded drawings- despite the intricacy, he couldn’t tell what they were supposed to be.

Gaius ignored his question. “What part of the forest were you in when this happened?”

“Er, I think towards the northeast, but I can’t be sure.”

“Hm.”

Gaius spent a few more minutes searching through the book. The pages were thick, landing with audible thwacks, despite their years.

“It’s going to be a while before I’ve found what I’m looking for,” he finally admitted. “You’d better get on with your chores.”

“But-“

“Now, now. It’s unlikely anything will attack today, if my suspicions are correct, however I admit it won’t hurt to stay wary. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

Merlin groaned, but started to make his way toward the kitchens. It made him feel better that someone was taking this as seriously as he was. Still, Merlin kept on his toes, prepared for a fight. Even if he had no idea what he would be up against.

Shockingly, Arthur didn’t complain when Merlin arrived late. They exchanged halfhearted good mornings and carried on with their business, Merlin picking out the prince’s clothes for the day, and Arthur playing with his food.

“You seem distracted,” Arthur announced.

Merlin turned around, surprised. “I’m sorry?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Something’s bothering you.”

“I’m afraid I-“

“Really, Merlin, you act like I haven’t spent every day with you for months on end.” Arthur rolled his eyes and sighed. “You have that look in your eye.”

Merlin fumbled with the clothes at Arthur’s sudden gentleness. A blush threatened to creep up his cheeks- not now, he scolded himself. “It won’t affect my duties, sire.”

“Well, I won’t have you half-assing them again. If you’re forgetting, I have an important meeting this afternoon, and I want to look my best. If you put my shirt on backwards again I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Hey, it was your own fault for not realizing it sooner.”

“That’s not my point.” As Merlin ducked in front of Arthur to pick up the breakfast tray, the prince took his wrist. His grip wasn’t painful, but was firm enough to tell Merlin that he meant business. “I...care about you. Sometimes. I don’t like seeing you this way.”

Merlin’s heart skipped a beat. Or two. He nearly dropped the tray. “I...”

Arthur raised his eyebrows. His grip loosened, giving Merlin the chance to pull away and save himself from any more embarrassment. It also gave him the chance to slip out of the room.

“And my clothes?” Arthur called after his servant.

Merlin didn’t hear him.

Knowing that Gaius would only scold him for leaving his chores, Merlin walked briskly to the palace library. He desperately tried to ignore what just happened. But how? Arthur’s touch lingered on Merlin’s arm, sending shivers to his fingertips. And he couldn’t stop thinking about the way his heart refused to quiet down when Arthur admitted to studying Merlin’s eyes. 

Of course, Merlin knew his feelings well by then, no matter how hard he tried to push them away. He felt...something...for the prince. But he wouldn’t dare admit it, even to himself. There was no way these feelings would ever be reciprocated. So, the best course of action was to ignore them, and hope they eventually died.

The library turned out to be no help. Merlin should’ve known. The creatures he’d seen were obviously magical, with their otherworldly aura and features he’d never seen on any animal, and that meant Uther probably destroyed every book with the information he needed. Disappointed, Merlin began to pace the shelves.

“Merlin? What are you doing here?”

He turned around, startled. Fortunately it was only Gwen.

“Oh, hello,” Merlin replied with an exhale. “Nothing! Nothing. Just...some light reading! That’s what I’m doing.”

Gwen glanced at the stack of books upon the nearby table. “Right. Well, Arthur’s been asking for you. Says you wandered off without even bothering to tell him where you were going. Care to say why?”

The air was thick with discomfort, for Merlin, at least. He pulled nervously at his scarf. “Not really.”

“You can trust me.”

Merlin looked at her. Gwen could be trusted, he knew, but he also knew that his discovery bled magic. If word got out about this...Merlin didn’t like to be involved in conflicts involving sorcery. After a moment, though, he gave in. “I saw something in the woods the other night, while Arthur and I were out. Looked to be forest spirits of some kind. I couldn’t see them well, though...but they were very loud. Said something about destroying Arthur and his father.”

“Oh.” Gwen frowned. “Well, people pledge that all the time, don’t they? Sorcerers and such. They never get too far.”

“I know. These weren’t exactly human, though, and that’s why I’m concerned. I know Uther says that about magic users-“ Merlin shivered- “but these...these creatures had a strange presence. Completely supernatural. I’m trying to find out what they were.”

“Why don’t you warn Arthur?”

“It’s complicated.” The truth was, Merlin was terrified. It was like the creatures had left some kind of imprint on him, flooding his thoughts with constant fear and unease. He’d thought about telling the prince, yes, but...something kept him from it.

That evening, his fears were proved correct.

“Only magic users can see them.” Gaius’s voice was quiet as he tapped the book’s page. Candlelight spread across a small diagram of a twisted, dark thing, with the same haunting eyes Merlin had seen. “It’s a good thing you didn’t tell anyone aside from Gwen. If the king found out, you’d be burnt to ash by morning.”

“I suppose. What are they?”

“The Lucus.” Gaius lifted his spectacles closer to his face. “Guardians of the woodland. Similar to forest nymphs, but use much more chaotic methods in protecting their home.”

“And only sorcerers can see them, you said?”

“Yes. The bond goes back several hundred years- apparently there are ancient magical ties at work, too old to fully understand. That may also explain why the ones you found did not harm you.” 

“Physically, anyway,” Merlin muttered.

If Gaius heard that, he didn’t mention it. “I’m suspecting this has to do with Uther’s recent proposal? Turning to the woods for more resources than he knows what to do with?”

“I’m sure it does. What else could they be angry about?”

“Well, the king does have quite the record of making people angry,” Gaius sighed. “Listen to me, Merlin. You mustn’t tell this to anyone. Not until the time is right. If we’re not careful...”

“Yeah, I know. You don’t have to remind me.”

“I just want to protect you.”

“But-“

“For now, I think the safest course would be to stay quiet, until there is a need for action,” Gaius said, slamming the book closed. “In the meantime, you can focus on other matters. Though, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to speak to Arthur about his father’s order. Seeing if he could challenge it, or at least stand against it. But I wouldn’t push my luck. Now, if you would leave me be for a moment. I have my own responsibilities.”

Merlin excused himself to his room, wondering if he should feel reassured.


	3. Broken Barriers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin’s relationship improves after a heartfelt conversation. The threat of attack fades as time passes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all righty, here’s another chapter! this dynamic unfurled itself while i was writing. it’s probably a little bit out of character since i haven’t watched the show in forever and have been relying on very wonderful but very unreliable fics, but! i still love it! it was very fun to write and i hope it’s fun to read!

The next few weeks left a strange feeling in Merlin’s stomach. Like the end of the world was approaching, but without a set date. It didn’t help that whenever he and the prince made eye contact, Arthur’s gaze was quizzical, as if he was on the brink of another unwelcome interview. Those had been a regular occurrence lately. Merlin’s conversations with him were hardly interesting anymore, as he tried to dodge as many questions as possible.

One particular evening, Merlin was stoking the fire in Arthur’s chambers. The nights were just starting to warm up, but they still had a late autumn chill, and Arthur hated the cold on any occasion.

“You haven’t given me one good insult in at least a week,” the prince tried. “Come on, then. I know you’re dying to call me something.”

“You’re a prat,” Merlin said half heartedly.

“A classic, I admit, but painfully boring.”

Merlin wanted to glare at Arthur, to let him know his patience was wearing thin. “I don’t have anything prepared.”

“You never do. Insults just roll off your tongue, don’t they?”

“Afraid not.”

“Come on, Merlin!” Arthur’s tone remained playful, despite it being laden with concern. “You’ve barely spoken to me in, what, a month? That’s a pretty long time. If I didn’t think something was wrong before, which I did, I certainly do now.”

Merlin’s heart tightened. A familiar feeling by now. He pretended to examine the knickknacks on the mantel, trying in vain to hold in his emotion.

“And not to get all sappy or anything, but...” Arthur gave Merlin a sad little smile. “I miss my friend.”

That did it. Merlin had never heard anything like that from the prince before. His breathing hitched, an odd sensation flooding his chest, as he turned away from the fireplace. “How can you call me such a thing?” He asked. “You don’t know a thing about me, no matter how much you think you might. And even if I wanted to tell you what was going on, I couldn’t, because you wouldn’t understand, and-“

“Hey. Come here.”

Merlin finally looked at Arthur. He was sitting on the ground, in a muddle of expensive blankets and pillows. Wonderful, now he’d have to wash them later. “Why?”

“Just do it, you idiot.”

Merlin wiped his sleeve across his face before begrudgingly sitting down. “You know, there’s a chair beside you.”

“It’s not very comfortable.”

“I’ll send for another.”

“That...won’t be necessary.” Arthur’s voice was soft above the fire’s soothing crackle. It reminded Merlin of that night in the woods, but not in an unpleasant way. In fact, the air was somewhat peaceful. “Look, you don’t have to tell me everything. That would be weird. I just hate it when something troubles you.”

“You should be worried about much more important things. I’m a lowly servant, remember?”

“I did think that, once. But not anymore. I care about how you’re feeling, and it’s obviously not very good, so...” Arthur nudged Merlin’s shoulder with his own. “At least give me a little synopsis? I won’t judge, if that’s what you’ve been worried about.”

If only that were true.

Merlin turned to the prince with a smile, ignoring that last bit. Their eyes met for a split second. Then, Merlin lost confidence and snapped his gaze back toward the ground. “I’m...flattered you think that way about me. I mean, I knew you never hated me, but considered me a friend?”

“Of course. What else would you be, after countless adventures together?” Arthur laughed. “But you’re not answering my question.”

“About the synopsis? Sorry, I’m still in shock from your uncharacteristic kindness.” 

“Ha, ha. Fine, don’t tell me. Honestly, I’m just glad you’re acting normal right now. That was my goal going in.”

They sat for a few more minutes, talking and laughing, Merlin opening up more than he had in a long while. It felt good, he decided. By the time the fire died, they were lying on their backs, moonlight slipping through the curtains.

“I don’t know a thing about you, hm?” Arthur murmured sleepily.

“What?”

“You said I didn’t know a thing about you, earlier. You’re wrong. I know you’re funny, and kind, and you wouldn’t hesitate to risk your life for someone. Usually me. Even though I can handle myself, of course. And I enjoy your company.” He yawned. “Of course, there’s more, but I think that’s all I really need.”

Merlin smiled to himself, for the dozenth time that night, it seemed. “It’s late. You’d best get in bed before you fall asleep on the floor.”

“Let me. I’m not going to move. Besides, it reminds me of a simpler time.”

With that, Arthur’s eyelids drooped, falling shut not a moment later.

Merlin decided to obey the prince’s wishes and draped the blanket across his shoulders. Even in sleep, he looked ethereal. How Merlin even managed to speak to him was a mystery yet to be solved.

Things were better after that. Merlin stopped worrying so much. He had magic, didn’t he? As long as he was careful, they were safe. If anything tried to storm the palace, or sneakily infiltrate in the dead of night, Merlin was ready. His smiles were no longer a facade, but genuine displays of happiness, and came much more often. Everything seemed...stable, for once.

Furthermore, the dynamics between he and Arthur were shifting. Formalities between the two were suddenly less prominent than before. And their banter was becoming much friendlier. However, there was still that little factor of Merlin’s feelings.

“Have you ever wondered...what it’ll be like, ten years from now?” Arthur wondered aloud one afternoon. They were in the armory after a rough training session. “It’s interesting to think about. Anything could happen.”

“I bet I’ll still be waiting on you hand and foot, polishing these,” Merlin said, tapping the prince’s beat up chest plate. “And don’t worry. This’ll all be cleaned by tomorrow.”

“Thanks.” Arthur took in a much needed breath as the plate was removed. “But I think you’re underestimating yourself, yet again. There’s plenty of things you could end up doing. And ten years is a long time. I mean, Camelot might not even exist then, having fallen into the hands of some enemy kingdom, or be completely abandoned after being overrun by trolls.”

“That’s rather imaginative.”

“See? Fun to think about, if a bit stressful. But, yeah, I suppose the most likely course of action is what you said. You’d still be an insufferable idiot, of course.”

“I know. That’s why I said it.” Finally, Merlin removed the last piece of armor, setting it aside with the rest. “Now, what would you like to wear to dinner tonight? I was thinking your red tunic, the linen one, paired with a gold belt and black boots?”

“No pants?” Arthur asked, pretending to be surprised. “Scandalous.”

“Of course not. I want every noble in the kingdom to see you without them. Should be a fine intimidation tactic,” Merlin replied seriously. 

They locked eyes. Merlin kept his expression still, refusing to show an inch of a smile, until both of them burst into laughter.

“Ah, we’d better go,” Merlin said a moment later. “The king will be expecting you soon. And there are actually a few nobles joining you, aren’t there? If I’m remembering correctly?”

“Oh, I forgot,” Arthur sighed. “I’m sure you’ve noticed my father’s current obsession with finding me a wife, even if he hasn’t said anything outright. He’s been inviting every eligible lady he can find. Wealthy ones, of course, because peasant girls aren’t worthy of my presence.”

Ouch. Merlin hadn’t noticed the king’s obsession. His heart sank. “Er, you’re joking, right?”

“About the peasant girl thing? Of course I am! You really think I’m that shallow?” The two exited the armory and began making their way upstairs. “Really, I don’t want to be thinking about this whole marriage thing right now. I mean, I know I’ll have to go through with it someday. All princes do. I just...I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

“You’ll be all right,” Merlin promised. He pushed open the doors to Arthur’s quarters. Had they gotten heavier? “I’ll be with you the whole journey, remember? You can, I don’t know, vent to me. And at the wedding, I’ll make funny faces at you as you stand at the altar.”

“Oh, God.” Arthur rolled his eyes, grinning. “As if it couldn’t get any more hellish.”

They decided to go with a cobalt blue instead of red. Arthur insisted that he always wore red, wanting something new. Merlin wasn’t sure at first, but after the ensemble was finished, he had to admit it looked...good. Different, but good.

“We match,” Arthur said out of nowhere, as Merlin laced his boots.

“What do you mean?”

“Red and blue. Those are your colors, aren’t they? Now they’re mine, too.”

“Oh.” Merlin ducked down to hide the redness of his cheeks. “I suppose you’re right. I never noticed those were necessarily my colors, though.”

“Well, I noticed. Those dreadful little scarves you rotate? Always red and blue.” The prince shook his head. “One of these days, I’ll have to get you some new ones. You can only wear a garment for so long.”

Merlin coughed, trying to cover up the fact that he was becoming a tomato. “I’d appreciate that, but it’s not necessary. You’ve got much more important things to worry about. For example, this dinner that we’re now very late to.”

They headed back downstairs together, this time toward the dining room. Merlin noticed flower arrangements draped across the palace walls. Probably to impress the guests. How he wished he could be a candidate for Arthur’s hand. Perhaps, in a different word, he was.

“What you said earlier, about marrying a peasant,” Merlin said quietly as they neared their destination. “Would you? Hypothetically. I’m just curious.”

“If I loved her, yes. If I have any say, I intend to marry for love. Not wealth.” Arthur met his servant’s eyes a final time before they stepped into, what they’d soon realize to be, hell.


	4. Open the Drapes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner party leaves Arthur terribly drunk. Merlin’s trying to keep a handle on things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so it’s kind of obvious i’ve never been drunk myself, or even really been around someone who is. and the scene didn’t turn out as “hellish” as i’d hoped. it was going to be based on a different scene from a fic i wrote a long time ago, but it didn’t end up working out. anyway, here’s...something.

Merlin refilled Arthur’s goblet for a third time. He had a feeling the pitcher would be empty by the end of the night, with all the talking Lady Alia’s father was doing.

“You’ve seen our estate, haven’t you, Your Grace? It’s practically the size of a palace,” Lord Edmund boasted. He seemed to enjoy doing that, even if it was about things that obviously weren’t true. “And the gardens are absolutely beautiful, especially out back! Alia, you’ll have to give His Highness, the prince, a tour sometime.”

“Sounds lovely,” Arthur said, his voice monotone.

“Yes, it does,” Uther agreed. “I’m sure Arthur would love to visit one day, meet the rest of your family. They’ve been quite delightful, the few times I’ve spoken with them. The last masquerade, wasn’t it? Just this past year?”

“Why, I’d forgotten all about that! Lovely party, by the way. And, forgive me if my memory is deceiving, but didn’t your son and my Alia share a dance?”

Arthur looked as if he were about to flip the table. He didn’t usually like these topics. Merlin discreetly touched his shoulder, hoping to calm him a bit, but Arthur’s figure remained tense. And his eyes wouldn’t leave his plate.

“Why, yes, I think they did.” Uther turned to look at his son. “Did you hear that, Arthur? It seems you and Lady Alia have already met.”

“Hardly. I didn’t speak to her even once,” Arthur snapped.

“Not to worry. I have a feeling you’ll be familiar with one another soon enough.” Lord Edmund laughed, a great bellowing noise that echoed throughout the hall. “Alia, darling, remind me of where we got you that dress? Miss Alice Baker, wasn’t it? Just as well! She truly is one of the finest tailors this side of the mountains.”

“What a coincidence! I’m sure we ordered that very tunic my son is wearing from her as well,” Uther replied. He glared at Arthur, disappointed that the prince wasn’t trying to make conversation.

By the time the dinner was through, Arthur was wobbling on his feet, stumbling up the stairs as Merlin tried to get them back to his quarters. Hopefully the rest of the evening would be quick. Merlin didn’t think he could stand Arthur’s complaining tonight.

“Well, that was an absolute shitshow,” Arthur slurred. Merlin didn’t answer, but that didn’t stop him. “I mean, come on. ‘Oh, haven’t you and my precious daughter met somewhere before?’ A cheap tactic. No one remembers those parties. I don’t even...I don’t even think I saw her there.”

“You’re going to wear yourself out before you even make it to bed, if you keep up this blathering,” Merlin told him.

“Merlin, Merlin.” Arthur tried to grab his servant’s shoulder, but missed, instead clinging onto his scarf. “You’ve got it all wrong. I’m...stating the facts. That’s what I’m doing.”

“Of course.” 

A bright strip of silver cut through the room as they entered. Merlin, not wanting to hear Arthur complain of the sun in the morning, quickly drew the curtains shut before he could forget. After that, he chose the first nightclothes he saw from Arthur’s wardrobe. He was hoping to leave as soon as possible.

“Why’d you close them?”

“The drapes? I was going to get an earful from you tomorrow if I didn’t.”

“No, no, no. No.” Arthur hastily yanked one of the curtains aside, letting the moonlight back in.

“Well, we sort of need them closed...”

“Are you refusing to obey my orders?”

“No, no! Of course not! Just...in a more...reasonable state of mind, that’s all.” He couldn’t tell if that was a joke or not. Merlin handed the pajamas to the prince and walked briskly to the window once more. “Now, if you’d put those on, so I can get some sleep as well.”

Arthur sighed in exasperation. He probably wouldn’t remember everything in the morning, Merlin realized. Good thing, too. Maybe the dinner party would be too fuzzy for him to whine about.

“...dimwit...”

“Right back at you, Your Highness.”

“It’s just...if you don’t leave them open, the light’s not going to catch your face. It’s nice. Reminds me of...like, some mythical thing.”

Merlin froze. Did he really just hear that? “Excuse me?”

Arthur didn’t repeat himself. He was too immersed in trying to button his nightshirt.

“Er, here. Let me help.” Merlin left the window behind and sat beside the prince, taking the other’s hands briefly to free the space. He started to button, desperate to get the evening over with, before it could get any stranger.

And, lo and behold, it did. Because everything strange just had to happen to Merlin.

Drunken Arthur decided it was the perfect moment to kiss him. 

Merlin tensed, at first unaware of what was happening. The reality of the situation set in quite slowly. When it did, however, and Merlin realized the prince of Camelot was kissing him, he didn’t pull away. Instead, he let himself pretend it was real. That it was going to be remembered fondly, if at all.

Where had it come from, anyway?

Merlin jostled himself out of the little cloud of bliss. What was he doing? He yanked his lips away from Arthur’s, and with them, his body.

“Good night,” he breathed, standing up and hurrying from the room. Emotion blossomed in his chest, euphoria and terror battling for dominance. A swarm of butterflies screamed from the sidelines.


	5. Paper Faces on Parade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ball is hastily put together in hopes Arthur will find someone. Merlin realizes he should’ve been focusing on other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can’t thank everyone enough for the kind words and kudos! they bring a smile to my face every time i go to update :) anyway this chapter is probably the one most inspired by The Two Princes, which is a wonderful podcast by Gimlet that tells the story of, obviously, two princes that fall in love. i highly recommend listening to it!

Arthur forgot about the kiss by morning. Which was fine by Merlin. Why wouldn’t it be fine by him? It hadn’t meant anything. Arthur wasn’t himself, and it was late, and they were both tired, and people tended to do odd things when they weren’t in their right mind. No, of course it didn’t keep slithering into his mind like a little garden snake, making him freeze up and want to scream.

He tried not to be too bothered. After all, he had things to do, like prepare for a ball, and couldn’t afford to be distracted. 

Lord Edmund had persuaded Uther to host another masquerade. “In celebration of a newfound friendship,” he said. Really, it was obvious they both wanted Arthur and Lady Alia to hit it off, or something like that. It would’ve been fine, if they didn’t expect the preparations to be done by the end of the week. 

“Let’s see...I have to help with the flower arrangements, clean the ballroom from top to bottom, wash every dish the king intends to put to use, and, oh yes, take care of you all the while. So yes, it is a lot of work. For me, anyway.” Merlin crossed his arms, annoyed with Arthur’s comment that “it wasn’t even that much work.”

“It’s still stressful for me, too. It’s not like I’m completely off the hook.”

“Really? Last time I checked, you get to dress up in fancy clothes and dance the night away with dozens of pretty girls.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Do you have any idea how itchy those clothes are going to be? I can feel it already. Not to mention, you don’t have to worry about being perfect everywhere you go.”

The morning dew sunk into Merlin’s old boots. He examined another patch of greenery, checking it for poison ivy. “It’s not that I’m invalidating your struggles. I just don’t care about them. Anyway, Gaius said we were especially low on lemon balm and yarrow...see anything?”

“Well, I don’t see any yarrow, but I’m looking right at something that’s making me sick.”

“Wow. Why’d you decide to come with, if all you’re going to do is stand there and try to insult me?”

Arthur shrugged. “I haven’t been outside in a while. Feels nice to have the sun on my face.”

“Arthur, we’re standing under foliage. There is no sun on your face.” Merlin shook his head and went back to work, losing all hope that Arthur might help. He spotted a rope of vines climbing a tree after a few more minutes of pulling up herbs.

“Not lemon balm or yarrow, but they’re beautiful,” he remarked, noticing the roses that blossomed across the tree trunk. “We hardly ever use these for decoration in the castle. It’s a pity. They’re one of my favorites.”

“Mind me asking why?”

Merlin plucked a flower from its home. “My mother loves them. I suppose I must be biased.”

“She has good taste.”

“So then, by definition, me as well?”

“In flowers, maybe. Not much else.”

They shared a laugh. It was nice, laughing with Arthur. It made everything feel real, somehow, when Merlin was convinced everything had to be a dream. He found himself counting his fingers often- didn’t they say your hands looked funny in dreams? Merlin stole a glance at them, just to be sure, reminding himself of the rose he’d picked. “Here.”

Arthur’s laughter turned confused. “Why are you giving it to me?”

“Because I think I see some lemon balm over there, and I need a free hand.”

“You were the one who picked it! And look, there’s thorns all over this thing! Are you trying to kill me?”

“Oh, shut up. Weren’t you just saying you liked them?”

Merlin finally found the herbs he needed for Gaius, along with a few extras, and together they walked back to the palace. They were swept away from one another almost instantly; Merlin being pulled toward the ballroom to clean, and Arthur to the tailor’s for measurements. His costume would be quite stunning, Merlin knew. Masquerades always brought about the most interesting outfits.

The days passed quickly. Arthur and Merlin saw each other the most during breakfast, which was usually very short, giving them almost no time to talk. Good, Merlin thought. Now he could get his responsibilities done in peace, though they lacked a touch of humor. The other servants didn’t appreciate when he “wasted time” with jokes.

Finally, the evening of the masquerade was upon them. There were no roses present in the decoration, sadly, and the ballroom actually looked quite boring to Merlin. That’s what happened when they were told to prepare a ball in a week. The guests, however, as they began to pour through the doors, looked absolutely thrilled. Merlin concluded that decorations didn’t matter as much when you were in Camelot’s castle. He watched from the hall, waiting for everyone to get situated in the ballroom.

“Dance with me, kind sir?”

Merlin whipped around to face none other than the prince. “Arthur! I could’ve been holding something fragile! The king would have my head!”

Arthur laughed. His outfit was, as Merlin suspected, breathtaking. The coat was crimson red, with six gold buttons in front, and the matching cape was embroidered with gold leaves.

“Hang on, are those thorns?” Merlin asked. He looked a little closer at the detail.

“Duh. Look at my mask, you idiot.”

He did. Arthur’s mask was just as stunning. Well, his face was always stunning no matter what, but the accessory seemed to enhance his features as well as hide them. “Roses?” he said, cracking a smile. Arthur nodded enthusiastically. “Where ever did you get the idea? Oh, right. Me.”

“What are you talking about? No, of course not, I would never stoop so low as to get inspiration from you,” Arthur teased. “I’d better get to the party before they wonder where I am. I just wanted to see you before going off into the void.”

“I appreciate it. You look...” Merlin bit his tongue. “Great. Really.”

“Glad you think so. Now I know it’s true. I can never tell if I really look good at these, since everyone compliments me no matter what.”

“Well, take my word for it. The mask covers up everything stupid-looking, so I think you should be all right.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m very handsome.”

“I hadn’t noticed. I was too busy looking at your freakishly big nose.”

Arthur rolled his eyes, but grinned as he left Merlin and went into the void. Thunderous applause could be heard moments later at his arrival. The music began, and taking his cue, Merlin entered the room with his tray.

Merlin couldn’t decide if he loved or hated these things. He decided on a mix of both. No one treated him like a human being, most of the time, but the outfits people wore were lovely. And the music was lovely, too, often taking his mind to a different place. He only wished he could be on the other side of things. For now, though, Merlin was just grateful to attend.

“You’re staring again.” Gwen nudged his shoulder, careful not to tip either of their trays.

“At what?”

“The prince.” A knowing smile spread across her face. “You...do it a lot.”

“Oh, “ Merlin muttered. “I’ll, um, work on that.”

But he couldn’t exactly stop. From far away, Arthur looked like some ethereal being, capturing Merlin’s attention again and again. The way he moved across the floor, even if it was with some girl who didn’t deserve him, made Merlin’s legs turn into jelly.

Wait. Was that the girl from before? Lady Alia, from the dinner, dancing with the prince?

Of course. This whole thing was about her and Arthur, really. Their parents were obviously desperate for something to happen. And, even if nothing did, perhaps it was to only acquaint them before forcing them into an arranged marriage. Which Merlin would have to sit through. And not cry. Or be incredibly jealous. And then he’d have to sit through the rest of his life watching them. Lady Alia would be there in the mornings for breakfast, and then at dinner, and Merlin would no doubt run into her on occasion in the palace. The worst part was, she was probably very nice. 

Merlin was so lost in thought, he only realized the music had stopped about five minutes too late.

The ground shook under their feet. People around him toppled over at the unexpected earthquake. Uncertain whispers turned into shouts, and then screams, as the walls began to crack open. Merlin dropped the tray with a clatter, trying to think of a plan...but there was no way he could use his magic here without being caught.

Suddenly, giant stalks of greenery burst through the gaps in the wall, and then up through the floors. Vines latched onto people’s ankles and pulled them across the room. The windows shattered, gusts of strong wind blowing through them, leaving glass speckled over the ground. Ladies who had taken off their shoes to run faster cried out in agony. A chandelier broke loose and spread even more glass across the ballroom shortly after. Luckily, no one was underneath. Frantic guests were running, yelling, trying to get out, but a shroud of trees had grown to block the exit. In all the chaos, Merlin found himself knocked over and fell to his knees.

Where was Arthur? Merlin scanned the room countless times trying to spot him. Was he all right? What the hell was going on? It had to be magic. What if they were after Arthur, or the king? What if-

Oh no.

A little dam opened in Merlin’s mind, letting in the tiniest trickle of memories, one after the other. The forest creatures. The Lucus. Whatever they were. Somehow, Uther overstepped a boundary with his ridiculous order, and Merlin hadn’t been there to stop him. And now, the forest was angry.


	6. What Happened After the Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden drought plagues the kingdom. Arthur is anxious. Merlin faces a dilemma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare yourself for multiple daily updates since i have nothing better to do! also, it’s very hard to write anything serious when bubblegum k.k. is on a continuous loop through your head.

“It was a warning,” Merlin muttered. “It had to be. What else would it be, if no one died?”

“An attack on the royal family,” Gaius said flatly.

“Yes, but they had to know what they were doing. They’re so powerful, they could have easily taken out everyone at the party. But that didn’t happen.”

“Merlin, I understand you’re trying to make sense of this. But the bottom line is, no matter their purpose for this attack, there will be another one if Uther does not stop taking from the forest. And they will aim to kill soon enough.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Merlin flipped through another book before slamming it shut. There wasn’t any information about the Lucus that he already knew. “I don’t know how I’m going to do it this time, Gaius. It’s so...huge! The Lucus have an entire natural entity as their weapon! I can’t defend the kingdom without using large scale spells.”

“Let’s not get that far yet,” Gaius told him. “For now, we’re just doing research, and preparing for one thing at a time.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do! The Lucus only appear to people that have magic. I can’t tell Uther about this! He’ll kill me!”

“So tell him something else. Stretch the truth a bit. You don’t necessarily have to let him know about the Lucus.”

“But there’s no point in fighting if you don’t know your enemy, or even what species it is, especially when it’s this powerful and mysterious and can kill someone in the blink of an eye! He’s not going to understand. Neither will Arthur.”

Gaius crossed his arms. “All right, then. What are we going to do? You keep crossing off everything on my list.”

Merlin groaned, letting his face fall to the table. It was pointless. Uther wouldn’t know how to fight this. And because of that, Merlin couldn’t retaliate without magic, but that would only get him killed by the very king he was trying to help...it was all so frustrating.

“I think we’re done for,” he said into the book.

“Now, don’t say that! You always come up with something. It doesn’t have to be now. Just...soon, is all I’m saying.”

“You’re not making me feel any better.”

Gaius sighed and went back to his work, probably knowing Merlin couldn’t be reasoned with. Merlin still thought the whole fiasco was his fault, after all. He’d focused so much on Arthur, he forgot about much more important things. For instance, a threat to destroy the royal family.

Arthur seemed distressed when Merlin brought him breakfast the next morning. It had been a week since the ball, and everyone was still on edge, but today Arthur seemed especially anxious. Strangely, he was fully dressed.

“Is something wrong?” Merlin asked.

“I just got out of a meeting with my father,” the prince said quietly. He gripped the bedpost, his knuckles white. “The wells are nearly dry. All of them.”

“Oh.” Merlin set the breakfast tray on the table, a bit shocked he hadn’t heard until now. “So...what does that mean?”

“It means there’s no water, idiot,” Arthur snapped.

A jolt of surprise hit Merlin, like someone whacking him with a stick. Arthur hadn’t used that tone on him for a while. “I know, just...what are we going to do?”

“If I knew that, do you think I’d be scared out of my wits?”

“Sorry,” Merlin whispered. “I’ll be off, then. Sorry to bother you.”

The air remained uncomfortably tense. There were no more jokes between them, only polite greetings and farewells, with Merlin sometimes asking for updates on the situation. Arthur never answered.

From what Merlin could gather from rumors spreading about the palace, the wells dried up that very morning. Uther sent some palace staff to dig more wells, but no such luck. The ground had little water. And because of that, the crops would die soon, and then the animals, and then Camelot itself.

“I don’t understand,” Arthur said abruptly one evening. His voice sounded like it didn’t belong to him. Like it was lost. “Why is this happening? There were no signs, no warnings at all. Drought simply doesn’t happen overnight. It takes months. It takes...time, so much time, why the hell is this happening to us?”

“I don’t know.” Merlin bit his lip. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why? There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”

“I’m sorry this is happening. That you’re expected to be responsible for so many things, like keeping everyone calm, trying to figure out what to do to fix this mess. All I can say is it’ll be all right, but I’m not sure if that’s true.”

Arthur took a deep breath, his voice trembling. “Thanks. I, um, really appreciate it. I’m sorry I haven’t been treating you too well these past few days.”

“I can understand why. You’re stressed, Arthur, it’s perfectly normal to be out of sorts in times like these.”

“I just don’t know what to do, you know? My father’s going completely mad, trying to secure enough supplies for the castle in case things get really bad, but he’s not paying as much attention to the rest of the kingdom. And everyone’s scared. And at this rate, we could all be dead by the end of the year, unless we decide to pack up and leave everything we know behind.”

Those words stamped themselves into Merlin’s head. He thought about them all the time, and suddenly, the future wasn’t as certain anymore. It looked as if Merlin wouldn’t be waiting on Arthur hand in foot or polishing his armor in ten years. Maybe they’d die from dehydration or starvation. Or, if they decided to leave the kingdom, they would be worlds apart. Maybe they’d never see each other again. The thought of it stung him.

As the drought worsened, the flora did not suffer. In fact, it thrived, aside from any crops. Roots twirled across the roads, around vendors’ booths. Homes were quickly overrun by unfamiliar plants that invaded from the windows and under doors. On top of that, herbs needed for ointments and medicines were suddenly nonexistent.

“Down to our last jar of chamomile,” Gaius called from the cabinets. He was taking inventory. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much inventory to take. “People are requesting it left and right.”

Merlin didn’t answer.

“Merlin? Did you get that?” Gaius tried to turn around on his stepladder, but couldn’t without losing his balance. “What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving Camelot.”

Gaius almost did lose his balance. He descended the ladder in one swift movement, bustling over to his apprentice, who was packing a bag. “You’re leaving? Now, at a time when the kingdom needs us?”

“Yes,” Merlin replied. “It’s not going to get better if we keep sitting around, handing out sleep remedies. And the longer they keep toying with Camelot’s life, the more resources we’re going to need, which means Uther will turn to the forest, resulting in more foul things happening.” He turned to look Gaius in the eye. “I’m going to find the Lucus. Try to reason with them.”

“What?” Gaius’s eyes widened, his expression complete with an eyebrow raise. “Merlin, do you know how incredibly stupid that is? They aren’t reasonable creatures! We have angered them, and once they feel threatened, they will retaliate in whatever way they see fit. They won’t take kindly to one of their enemy’s kind. You could be killed! Is that what you want?”

“No, but I’ll be killed anyway if I stay here, as will the entire kingdom.” Merlin tossed the last of his supplies into his satchel, including a few maps and small doses of potions. “It’s for the best. I promise I’ll be careful.”

“You’d better be,” Gaius mumbled. He patted Merlin on the back before turning away again. “I expect you home in three days, at most. Any more and I’ll assume you’re dead.”

“Oh. Um, all right then.”

He headed to the stables, trying to keep a low profile. He did come up with a cover story, but it had little detail. It was best he just leave quietly. Of course, he had left a short note on Arthur’s desk after breakfast, saying he was going to visit his mother. He wouldn’t be done with his meetings until at least three o’ clock.

But it appeared Arthur’s meetings ended earlier than expected. That, or he snuck out. The prince was standing inside the stable, looking cross.

“You’re going to visit your mother, then?” he asked. “Without even telling me?”

“I left a note. So, yes, I did tell you.”

“Not in person.” Arthur took a deep breath, keeping his eyes on the ground and his arms folded. “I just came to say goodbye, in case you didn’t intend to return. I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to stay with Hunith a while, what with all this nonsense we’ve got going on.”

“Of course not. I couldn’t leave you for too long,” Merlin admitted. “It’d be too quiet.”

Arthur smiled, despite his eyebrows tangling in worry. “Please be careful. Who knows how far this drought has spread? There could be bandits waiting to jump you at every corner.”

“Don’t worry. I can handle myself.”

“Right.”

They looked at one another for a moment, trying to think of something to say. Suddenly, Arthur stepped forward, wrapping his arms around his servant.

“Oh,” Merlin exclaimed, surprised. “Is this really real? Are you actually hugging me right now?”

“Don’t make it weird.” 

“Er, okay.” Merlin gave in, letting himself relax, and returned the embrace.

Arthur looked down at him curiously. “Your heart’s beating quite a bit. You all right?”

Panic shot through Merlin, pulling away before Arthur could notice the heat radiating from him. “Yes! I’m fine. Absolutely perfect. Just...anxious to get going, you know!”

“Well, I won’t keep you. Goodbye, and...” Arthur paused. As if the hug wasn’t enough, he gently took his servant’s hand. Merlin’s brain screamed. “Come back sometime, will you?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Merlin laughed. “Three days, yeah? I’ll be back then.”

With that, he climbed atop his horse, leaving Camelot and its prince behind.


	7. The Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finds the Lucus. They are exactly as he remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is kinda short, but also kinda introduces these forest creatures a bit more!

Well, Merlin officially couldn’t handle himself.

He was jumped not twenty minutes into his journey, and because he’d spent the majority of his time in like situations with Arthur and the knights, he didn’t even think about using magic at first. By the time he did, it was too late, and Merlin was left without his bag, scarf, and horse.

At this rate, he would most definitely not be back in three days. He could only hope they didn’t hold a funeral service.

He tried to remember where he and Arthur were, on that night so long ago. It was his best bet at finding the Lucus, or at least a trace of them.

By the second night, Merlin was cold and weary, running on two handfuls of berries (that he was only ninety-eight percent sure weren’t poisonous) and four hours of sleep. By now, he was used to thorns sweeping at his legs, and it didn’t bother him anymore when he hit a spider’s web. But it was still quite uncomfortable. Not to mention the piercing chill that danced through the air the deeper Merlin walked into the trees.

“it will not be long now, until we are free”

Merlin was suddenly thrown into the past. The hissing, high pitched voices that grated on his ears, words he had to strain to hear in order to understand , the rotting bodies that reeked of decay and death-

No. He wouldn’t let them frighten him. This was what Merlin set out to do, and he would not leave until his task was complete. In one way or another.

As Merlin was brought back to the present, he realized that he’d fallen upon a bed of twigs and decomposing leaves, his head uncomfortably resting at the base of a tree. The forest sky faded from blue to black before his eyes. A blanket of darkness wrapped around him, as did small roots and vines. He was stuck.

“i recognize you, boy”

Dozens of tiny pairs of lights blinked back at Merlin. Yet, only one voice was heard. The chill quickly dropped to a brutal cold. “Yes, I have met your kind before,” he whispered. “A group, in a clearing. Thank you for not, um, killing me.”

“you must be a powerful one, to see so many at once”

“They call me Emrys.” 

Merlin hoped the name would give him some leverage. As soon as it left his mouth, there were gasps. Together, they sounded like a wailing storm, and the chattering that followed sounded just like the voices Merlin remembered. He cringed.

“you...are emrys”

One of the creatures came scaling down the tree trunk. Its twig-like fingers latched on to pieces of bark, and curled around each branch to make its way to Merlin. It almost appeared...humanoid, in the light. It stared down at him, twitching once, twice, before speaking again.

“you fight for the king”

“No! Not this one. Well, yes, as of now I do, because, see, our kingdom is kind of on the verge of collapse, but not usually, no.”

“we know of the drought we brought”

“Right.” Merlin was slowly losing hope. When the creature, who appeared to be the head of the group, spoke, it was only in a few short words before they expected Merlin to continue. “That’s why I’m here, you see. Innocent people are suffering for the actions of one man. A foolish one. I will do everything in my power to stop him from taking your home, but please, you have to end this.”

“he takes and takes and takes you do not understand”

“I do. I’ve had things taken from me before, by him. Important things.” Merlin swallowed. He could sense the atmosphere changing from curious to angry. “I feel the pain he is causing you. But...”

“we serve no humans and you are no exception leave us and never return or we will rip your skin from your body and leave the rest for the animals to feast upon”

“Wait, please, listen to me!”

“did you fail to hear me, emrys”

The roots dug into Merlin’s skin. He realized they were a part of the creature’s hand, pinning him to the ground. “No, of course not! I...”

“then leave us we do not wish to kill one of such importance but we will”

The roots pushed even harder against Merlin’s wrists, slithering up his arms, reaching for his neck- it was going to strangle him-

Merlin blinked. The sky was blue again. The only sign the Lucus had been there were three red marks on both of his arms, and his heart beating so fast he could barely breathe.


	8. An Illegal Proposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin’s been gone for far too long. Arthur befriends a magical visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all righty yall, buckle up! it’s time for some drama!

If his replacement servant was late one more time, Arthur was going to go mad.

Of course, Merlin was always late. But he always arrived with jokes and insults up his sleeve, things Arthur could always count on to laugh about. This Jack, or whatever his name was, brought fifteen minute long apologies and showered him with meaningless compliments. Oh, and Arthur was hungry.

Six days. Almost a whole week. That was double the time Merlin said he’d be gone, and though Arthur hoped he was being honest about coming back, he was starting to get the feeling Merlin never would. He tried not to be upset about it. They’d see each other again one day, wouldn’t they? Hunith’s village wasn’t that far away from Camelot. Surely Merlin would come to visit when this all blew over. Or, Arthur could visit him, perhaps even convince him to return for good.

Merlin really was his best friend, Arthur realized. But he’d realized that much too late.

What if he was dead? Or in trouble? It wasn’t unlikely. Sometimes Arthur had to suppress the urge to send out search teams. He hoped Merlin would write once he arrived at his mother’s, so that Arthur could stop worrying.

“I’m so sorry, Your Majesty! Your Grace! Your Eminence!”

Wonderful. Josh was finally ready to start his morning, only nearly an hour late. “Good morning, Josh,” Arthur said half heartedly.

“Actually, erm, it’s John, sire. But you can call me whatever you’d like! You are the prince, after all. Anyway, His Majesty the king requested your presence in the throne room as soon as possible.”

“And that was what, three days ago?” Arthur groaned. Now he’d be the one late this time, thanks to Jim’s utter idiocy.

Arthur ended up skipping breakfast and going straight to meet Uther instead (there wasn’t that much on the plate, anyway; the crops were truly starting to fail as of late). It had to be important if it couldn’t wait until later. 

“Father,” Arthur greeted, once he reached his destination. “Good morning.”

“Yes, well, let’s get on with it, then,” Uther said impatiently. “I’m sure you’ve noticed our guest.”

“Greetings, Your Majesty.”

The voice was firm, but also delicate, as if it could break with a single touch. Arthur finally noticed the figure standing in the middle of the room. They were obviously a woman, from the petite hands and the dress skirt swirling about her ankles, but a emerald green hood covered her eyes, shielding her face. How ominous. “Oh, hello. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lady...?”

Her body tensed under the cloak. “Vivien Wyllt, sire. I come from afar, to bring you news of my own kingdom. We, too, experienced a time just like this. If you allow me, I will help bring back the water. However, I must ask you to do something for me first.”

“Well? Get on with it,” Uther demanded.

“I understand Camelot’s current situation with magic. It is...outlawed, yes?”

“A disgusting, evil act of treason,” Uther agreed enthusiastically.

“I see.” She paused, looking toward the window, her face still hidden. Her voice became bitter and harsh. “How unfortunate. May I ask, how do you plan to deal with an enemy wielding such powerful, natural magic, when you have none yourselves? Do you realize how quickly the forest could destroy your kingdom? Your family? Everything you hold dear?”

“You’re not suggesting we use sorcery to fight it, are you?” Uther’s temper changed in a split second, his tone following suit.

“Let her finish,” Arthur interrupted. What in God’s name did this woman think she was doing? If she knew anything of Uther’s extreme prejudice toward magic, she should’ve kept her mouth shut.

“Thank you, sire.” Vivien hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I know magic has caused you much pain. But I also know that it has shaped your kingdom’s history in positive ways-“

“You are mere seconds away from being thrown out, if not arrested,” the king said, his lips curled in a sneer.

“I’d advise you not to do that.” Vivien said harshly. “You and your people are on the brink of starvation, and more disaster is to come. You must trust me when I say I can, and will, help you. All I’m asking is-“

“GUARDS!”

“Father, please!” Arthur cried.

“Your Majesty, it’s vital that we act now! I’ve heard things, I know what’s to happen if you keep ignoring-“

A few men rushed into the room, looking concerned, and then terrified when they saw Uther’s bright red face. “TAKE HER AWAY! THIS INSTANT!”

They wasted no time doing so. As soon as she arrived, she was gone, lost in the abyss. 

“What the hell?” Arthur exclaimed. His voice shook with fury. “That was completely unnecessary! And violent! How can you deny someone who only wishes to help, asking for practically nothing in return? She didn’t even ask you to withdraw the laws!”

“That’s how they get you,” Uther muttered. “They promise things that cannot be. And then, everything you know is gone.”

“Everything we know will be gone anyway, if you keep refusing to take action and continue to hoard resources to yourself! This isn’t how you run a kingdom!”

Uther took his son’s arm in a deathly tight grip. The redness had yet to leave his face. “I advise you to not talk about things you do not understand.”

“But Father-“

“Leave.”

Arthur spent the rest of the day in a state of shock. The morning’s disaster kept coming back to haunt him. His father really could be despicable. And the Lady Vivien, what would become of her? Would she be hanged, or burned at the stake, or drowned? Or all three?

That night, he decided to do something very risky, and very stupid.

He made his way past the dungeon’s guards rather quickly, because “orders from the king” could get you many places, Arthur found. From there, it was just a matter of talking to the girl, seeing what she knew. How she might be able to help. Arthur would not let his people suffer. Even if it was necessary to turn to magic.

Arthur found her sitting in the furthest cell from the door. It had three locks in a row, each with different keys. Vivien’s hood was off, revealing a rather pretty face with fair skin and long, wavy hair to frame it.

“My lady?” he said quietly.

Her head snapped up, eyes wide. She looked like she’d been crying. “What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice shrill with panic.

“I’d like to talk. That’s all.”

Vivien pulled at her cloak, biting her lip. A moonbeam caught her face, highlighting the fear and beauty within it. “I was going to put this back on before anyone saw me. To protect my identity as much as I could. I...suppose it doesn’t matter now.”

“Well, I can’t see much of you anyway.” Arthur sat in front of the metal bars to face her. “You said something about...knowing what’s to happen? What does that mean?”

“It’s difficult to explain...I was in the forest, not long ago, when I first heard the whispers. They spoke of bringing death to your kingdom. At first, I didn’t pay any attention. It wasn’t my problem. Until word of the drought spread to me. I could not watch something dreadful happen when I could prevent it.”

“But who is behind this? The same enemy you spoke of before?”

“Yes. The Lucus. They are forest spirits, and can rarely be reasoned with. Believe me, I tried to. They mocked me. Threatened to kill me if I ever returned. And if I could not persuade them, I vowed I would come here.” She hung her head. “It wasn’t my best idea.”

“I admire your bravery.”

“You mean stupidity.”

“No. I think it was very noble of you to do this,” Arthur said. “Not many would dare face my father, much less try and convince him to befriend magic.”

“Thank you, sire.”

Arthur was quiet for a moment. His curiosity was starting to get the best of him. “Can you do it? Magic?”

“Some. I’m afraid it’s not very impressive.”

“Will you show me?”

The light finally illuminated Vivien’s full face. Her eyes were a bright blue, harboring curious flecks of gold, and shimmering with fresh tears. “Your Majesty, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear that.” 

She raised her hands to her chest, cupping them over one another. Arthur thought he saw a flickering, violet glow...

Just then, the light died, a gust of wind pulling it into smoke.Vivien pulled the hood over her face once again as a knight hurried into the room.

“Sir Aldwin? What is it?” Arthur asked. He stood, sensing urgency.

“It’s the king, sire! We’re being attacked!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my initial thought going into this was something along the lines of “would arthur still fall in love with merlin if he was a different person/didn’t recognize him?” i guess we’ll see if that happens! also, i hope you don’t mind the somewhat different approach i took to arthur- i noticed a quite a bit of people write him with a similar hatred for magic as uther, but i decided to make him more curious and open minded!


	9. A Sudden, Bitter Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected tragedy brings Arthur and Vivien together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it’s been well over a month since i’ve posted anything, but i feel like it’s time to jump back in. i hope you find comfort in this work and others during these times.
> 
> everyone please stay safe!

Arthur locked eyes with Vivien. He knew what they had do. “Stall for us, Aldwin, we’ll be right behind you!” he promised, turning his attention to the locks. “Vivien, I need you to break these.”

“Wh-what?” she spluttered, scrambling to her feet. “I- I can’t leave! If Uther sees me, he’ll have me killed on the spot!”

“He’s going to die if you don’t help me! Please, break open the locks!”

Without another word, a surge of energy zipped through the room like an electric shock. Each lock popped open one by one. Moments later, the door of the cell swung open, and Arthur grabbed Vivien’s hand. He tried to ignore what he’d just seen.

They ran through the labyrinth of halls and doorways as fast as they could. Vivien oddly seemed to know each dip in the floor, and every doorframe that sunk too low. But no matter- they had bigger things to worry about. Especially since they’d lost track of Sir Aldwin a while ago.

All of a sudden, Vivien froze, her mouth agape. Arthur was just about to remind her of the time being wasted when she pulled him into the nearest room. Once the door was shut, she held her hands up in defense. A blue light fizzled at her fingertips.

“What the hell are you doing? We have to go!” Arthur hissed.

“Shut up! Shut up, you prat, I’m trying to save your life!”

The tone she adopted was eerily familiar. “What?”

Vivien’s expression twisted into one of regret, but it disappeared in a flash. “Shh!”

The hallway seemed perfectly peaceful to Arthur. This was a waste of time! They had to get to the king before it was too late. But Vivien seemed too shaken for his liking, so he decided to do as she said.

“What are we hiding from?” he whispered.

He didn’t even get to finish the sentence. Vivien grabbed Arthur’s mouth with her hand and shoved him against the wall, breathing heavily, keeping her eyes at the crack beneath the door.

“They’re here,” she finally said. “The Lucus got into the castle. That’s what’s after the king. And they’ll be after us, too, if we try and stop them.”

“I’m not giving up,” Arthur said.

“Me, neither. Just stay behind me.”

“I can handle myself!”

“Yeah, as if I haven’t heard that before.”

Her facade was dropping, Arthur realized as he trailed behind Vivien, clutching his sword. The mysterious stranger he’d met that morning was no more. He didn’t know who she was quite yet, but figured he would in due time. He was already starting to feel as if he’d known her for years.

As they neared the king’s chambers, the air became cold, and shadows crept across the walls. Arthur had a bad feeling about this. Hopefully, they’d just kill something and be done with it...although these invisible creatures were more frightening than he cared to admit.

“You need to do exactly as I say,” Vivien demanded hurriedly, “if anything at all.”

“As long as you don’t try to get me killed.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sire.”

They burst into the king’s quarters, weapons at the ready, only to find nothing there.

“Signs of a struggle,” Arthur noted right away. Bedsheets were sprawled across the ground. Most likely kicked there, he thought, his stomach dropping. A cold breeze pierced his cheek.

“Damn it, they must’ve gone through the window,” Vivian exclaimed. “Come on! We’re going up.”

“Jesus.” Arthur’s legs threatened to collapse beneath him as he remembered the height of the palace’s towers. “You expect me to climb up there?”

“No. I expect you to trust me.”

“Really? We just met this morning, and you’ve been, like, a different person every time after that! And, oh yeah, you’re a sorceress, and I’ve been raised my entire life to believe magic sentences you to eternal damnation!” With each retaliation, their voices grew more shrill and accusing.

“That’s not my fault! I’m still trying to figure things out! And you were the one who asked me to come with, I wanted nothing to do with this!”

“I didn’t know we’d have to climb a fifty foot tower! In the dark!”

“We’re not going to!” Vivian grabbed Arthur’s arm, pulled him toward the night sky, and tossed them both out the window.

This was it. Arthur was sure he was going to die. Uther was right all along, sorcerers were evil and twisted and promised things they couldn’t deliver and left death wherever they went-

“All right. You can open your eyes.”

He did. They were not falling.

Vivien was spinning her hands in furious circles, conjuring the freezing wind to propel them both upward. Arthur was in awe for a moment. Then, he was queasy again, squeezing his eyes back shut.

They reached the top of the castle in no time. While Arthur still couldn’t quite walk without staggering, he was grateful to have something under his feet. “Where are they? They have to be up here! I don’t see anything!”

“I’m looking!” Vivien seemed just as confused as she scanned the castle’s many other towers, and then the rooftops. Her voice was rushed, her tone dire. “They must’ve climbed back down to the village. I don’t see any other way they could’ve...”

A sharp crack cut her off. Suddenly, a tree root shot over the tower’s wall and grabbed Vivien’s wrist, yanking her backwards toward the edge. Another took her hair. Within two seconds, she was dangling over the side of the tower.

“Vivien!” Arthur cried, leaping after her with sword in hand. He watched the fear fill her eyes as she tried to grab the brick, shock and terror delaying a magical retaliation. “Take my hand!”

“I can’t...I can’t reach!” Vivien strained to find Arthur’s grip, only able to graze his fingertips. Her hair was pulled from her head, earning a shriek and sending her further down the tower.

“Stay calm!” Arthur furiously looked about, fear clouding his mind. The sword! He grabbed its hilt and lurched forward to sever the winding roots. They fell limp in his grip, giving Arthur the chance to pull them back. And just as quickly as it had started, it was over.

But the air seemed to change. Vivien had an emptiness about her. As if...it didn’t matter anymore.

“We’re too late, Arthur,” she murmured. “They threw him off this very ledge. I...I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

At this moment, Arthur didn’t care that Vivien was a sorceress. He didn’t care that they’d just met, or that she was strange, or thought she could speak to him however she liked. Arthur pulled her close, letting the sorrow spill from his eyes.


	10. Hunith’s Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vivien begins her studies. Arthur receives a concerning note from Merlin’s mother.

King of Camelot.

Arthur had waited most of his life for that title. Ever since he was a child, he’d gaze upon the throne, knowing that one day he would sit there. And used to excite him so much, especially knowing of the power that waited for him.

But after his coronation, Arthur felt more weak and helpless than ever.

He did not weep for his father. Arthur sat completely silent in his chambers, staring into the fire, wishing that none of this had come to Camelot. Guilt and an unexplainable despair ate at him from the inside. Uther had been a good man, he tried to tell himself. A good father. But, each time he thought this, haunting screams of the men, women, children, and creatures he’d killed rang in Arthur’s ears.

And he wanted Merlin. God, he wanted Merlin to be there, to embrace him and never let go. But it was not to be. Merlin was still gone, a month after his promised return.

The Lucus seemed to laugh at him, sucking more life from Camelot each day. It was happening much more slowly now, which Arthur was relieved about, but the weight of it all was suffocating. Especially now that it all depended on him to fix things.

Well...the last part wasn’t entirely true.

Vivien was a beacon of peace among the chaos. Though Arthur was still weary of magic in his kingdom, he knew that she was right when she said it was the only way. Thankfully, Vivien seemed to understand Arthur’s unease, speaking with him often about what she was doing.

“This spell should cause some rain, at least for a while,” she said, pointing to a passage in her book. “That is, if they are unable to control the weather, as they do the earth. I’m still not sure what all they are capable of.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Arthur sipped his tea. Vivien had barely touched hers. “Are you going to eat anything?”

“Oh!” Vivien looked down in surprise at her plate. “I’m sorry, I suppose I just...forgot it was there.”

“You have been eating, haven’t you, my lady?”

She met Arthur’s eye, then looked away again, her cheeks turning a bit pink. This was a usual occurrence. “Not much. My time is better spent studying. Besides, I’m not used to being treated like this, like I’m...I don’t know, important. It feels wrong.”

“Nonsense! You’re a guest,” Arthur said.

Vivien sighed, looking as if she didn’t believe him.

“Are you doing all right?” The king blurted, unable to help himself. “We have a big job ahead of us. And while I want things to go back to normal as soon as they can, I don’t want to burn you out. Magic...I know it takes a lot out of people.”

“You can say that again. But I’m fine, really!” Vivien gave him a big, reassuring smile, though Arthur knew it hid exhaustion. “I’m used to it. And this is what I came here to do.”

Vivien spent a while focusing on stabilizing Camelot’s food and water sources. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but at least Arthur could rest easier now, knowing they had bought time. A flicker of hope could finally be seen through the shadow.

The afternoon that suffocated this flicker began like any other. Arthur was waiting for John (whom he still very much disliked) in his quarters, anxiously tapping his foot at the end of his bed. He was late for a meeting. Again. For God’s sake, when would the kid learn to tell time? Arthur had already dressed himself and everything, but still needed a bite before sacrificing the rest of the day.

Finally, the door creaked open. Arthur sighed with relief- until he noticed no tray in John’s arms.

“I hope you’re not forgetting, but I do have a schedule,” the king snapped. “A very important one. And where, may I ask, is the lunch tray?” Arthur nearly said something about how he would starve, but the words died in his throat.

John looked terrified. “I’m so sorry, Your Grace! I...not to make excuses or anything, sire, Your Majesty, but I was asked to deliver this letter to you. I wasn’t sure if it could wait, or not.”

Arthur snatched it from the servant’s grip. He knew he was hard on the boy, but every time he saw that face...it just reminded Arthur of Merlin’s absence. “Leave. I’ll get something on the way downstairs. And don’t forget to finish the laundry by sundown.” John nodded and scurried away.

Frustrated to no end, Arthur tossed the letter on his desk. It probably wasn’t important. It was a light, shabby envelope, with messy writing scrawled across its face, suggesting that there hadn’t been much care taken with its appearance. If the sender really wanted the king to look at it, they would’ve at least written with a steady hand...

Suddenly, Arthur caught a name. Hunith.

He dove back toward his desk, spilling scrolls and ink upon its wooden surface. Arthur nearly forgot to breathe as he yanked the note from its hiding place.

_Your Highness,_

_Though it warms my heart to hear from you, I must say I have not seen my son in a long while. Perhaps a year, at most. Moreover, he has not written me as of late. I do worry for him. Let me know when he returns._

_In other news, I heard of the famine that has struck Camelot. I understand the pressure you are under, and though I do not envy you, know that you are always welcome here._

_Hunith ___

__

__It was short, sweet, and filled to the brim with kindness. But Arthur did not dwell on that. His eyes ran across the first sentence over and over._ _

__She hadn’t seen Merlin. She hadn’t even heard from him._ _

__Arthur forgot all about the meeting. He dropped Hunith’s letter, barreling out of his chambers and urgently looking for any knight that came his way. He had to form a search party at once._ _

__Within the hour, groups of knights stampeded from the castle grounds and into the unknown. Arthur sent them this way and that. When everyone had gone, Arthur collapsed at the table, staring at his trembling hands. The minutes melted away as he dwelt upon Merlin’s fate._ _

__“Arthur?”_ _

__The king did not bother to look up. He could barely hear the voice above his screaming heart._ _

__But that did not make it go away. A soft hand fell upon Arthur’s shoulder. “Are you all right?”_ _

__Of course it was Vivien. It was always her._ _

__“What do you want?” Arthur muttered, his own voice barely audible. He had little energy left to speak._ _

__“I heard the commotion from upstairs,” Vivien said. “I didn’t know what was going on. Thought I’d come see.”_ _

__He wanted to send her away. Be alone with his thoughts for a while. Instead, Arthur found himself taking Vivien’s hand, squeezing it gently._ _

__“What happened?” she asked softly._ _

__“I...I don’t know.” Arthur’s mind was a complete mess, yet hollow at the same time. He could not find the words to speak to Vivien._ _

__So, there they stayed._ _

__Vivien was nearly asleep by the time the search parties returned. When the doors flew open, however, both she and the king became alert, still clutching the other’s hand._ _

__“Did you find him?” Arthur asked, his eyes brimming with tears. “Please, tell me you found him.”_ _

__A familiar blue scarf, faded by sun and torn at the edges, slid across the wood. Dark splotches of long dried blood stared hauntingly back at Arthur._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i know the whole “arthur thinks merlin’s dead because his scarf has blood on it” thing is used a lot- but i couldn’t help myself, especially when merlin’s right there to watch his reaction!
> 
> again, i hope everyone is staying safe!


	11. A Much Needed Confidant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finally gets to speak with Gaius. It doesn’t go as expected.

There were no words to describe how Merlin felt. Sitting there, in a room of people who thought he was no longer alive. Watching Arthur’s face turn white. Watching him shakily reach for the scrap of fabric, then pull it close to his heart, eyes squeezed shut in denial.

He didn’t stay long enough to see or hear anything else. Merlin had to get out of there, before he could give anything away, before he could pull Arthur into his arms and cry, _I’m here! I’m here, Arthur, I never left your side! ___

__Merlin was shocked he hadn’t given himself away yet (or at least, he thought he hadn’t. No one had said anything). He was, after all, still Merlin. Full of stupid jokes and little charm. Surely someone recognized him by now. But at the same time, Vivien’s face was like a mask, drowning much of Merlin’s insecurity and replacing it with a fragile confidence. And with this confidence, Merlin sank deeper into his role with each passing day._ _

__Sometimes, he worried that he would never wear his own face again. What if he couldn’t fend of the Lucus? What if they kept coming back?_ _

__Suddenly, Merlin realized he wasn’t looking where he was going, but not before he stumbled face first into a pillar. Blood began to trickle from his nose. Wonderful._ _

__“Lady Vivien?”_ _

__Trying to cover the mess that was his face, Merlin glanced back. Of course Gaius had to be walking this way._ _

__“Er...hello! I’m fine!” Merlin chirped. “Nothing to see here! I can take care of it!”_ _

__“Oh, no, no. I could hear that thunk of your head all the way down the hall!” Gaius beckoned for Merlin to follow. “Come on. We can’t have our resident sorceress being concussed.”_ _

__Merlin opened his mouth to argue, but remembered a few books he’d been meaning to get from his room. Well, his old room. If he could just sneak off..._ _

__“Come on, we don’t have all day!”_ _

__Merlin followed him through the corridor and up the winding staircase, sliding his free hand across the railing and remembering his first time doing so. The infirmary door gave a heavy creak as they entered._ _

__“I don’t suppose you’ve been up here yet, have you? I’ve only seen you about the castle a few times,” Gaius said, handing an old cloth to Merlin to stop the bleeding. “Though, everyone’s been talking about the mysterious sorceress, who appeared out of the blue one day.”_ _

__“I didn’t appear ‘out of the blue,’” Merlin replied, a bit worried that there’d been rumors. His voice sounded funny with the cloth pressed against his nose. “I was studying the Lucus, and happened to hear of their ill intentions. That is all.”_ _

__“Really? How many could you see?”_ _

__“Quite a few. Though I’m never quite sure what I’m looking at. One minute they look like trees, and the next, the shadow of a man.”_ _

__“Interesting.” Gaius lifted Merlin’s chin. “Pupils seem all right. Any dizziness? Headache?”_ _

__“Not yet.”_ _

__“Let me know if that changes. Speech sounds fine as well,” the physician continued. “Nosebleed’s stopped yet? Looks like it. Right, I’ll fetch some water for you to clean up with. Stay put.” With that, Gaius finally turned his back, giving Merlin the opportunity to sneak away._ _

__He started off well, barely making any noise as he slipped off the cot. Not even a sound from the wood underneath. Merlin moved quietly toward the stairs, only a few steps away from his room..._ _

__“You know, Merlin, if you wanted those spell books, you could’ve just said so.”_ _

__Merlin froze. He whipped around, face bright red. “What?”_ _

__Gaius smiled, a knowing twinkle in his eye. “I have them right over here here, in fact. Thought it wouldn’t be long before you returned for them.”_ _

__“I...” Merlin’s voice faded. Even if he’d reacted perfectly to the accusation, Gaius would probably still know it was him. He sighed in defeat, trudging over to the bookshelves. “Thank you,” he muttered._ _

__Gaius gestured to the pail of water before he could touch anything. Right. Merlin was still covered in blood._ _

__“I thought you were dead, you know,” Gaius revealed, as Merlin wiped at his hands and face. “I was just about to tell Arthur, when the lady Vivien showed up. I suspected you had something to do with it. Though, I must ask, why do you still wear the disguise? Arthur is king now, and by the looks of it he takes much more kindly to magic than his father.”_ _

__Merlin was silent for a moment before he spoke. “I’ve been thinking about that. I’m not entirely sure, but...I do know that I’m terrified, Gaius. Of what he’ll say, when he learns I’ve been lying to him for so long. Of what he’ll think of me.” He blinked back tears, and cleared his throat in an effort to stable his voice. “It’s selfish, isn’t it? I need to be giving my all to defending Camelot. Instead, I’m wrapped in this stupid charade, all because I’m too afraid to lose him.”_ _

__Gaius sighed. He opened his mouth to respond, but Merlin beat him to it._ _

__“He thinks I’m dead, now, just as you did,” Merlin said with a bitter laugh. “I watched it happen this morning. The hope draining from his eyes. Before, I was at least decent at talking with him, but what am I going to say now? ‘Hi, I’m sorry your friend’s dead, but I can’t exactly console you because I can’t bear to see you in such pain when I know how to fix it? And, oh yeah, I’ll be too tempted to reveal my true face- oh, wait! It’s me, I’m the dead friend! Surprise!’ And of course we can’t forget about-“_ _

__“Merlin,” Gaius said gently._ _

__Merlin went quiet again._ _

__“I assume we are talking about Arthur.” The physician took the rag, dabbing at a neglected spot upon his apprentice’s cheek before pushing the water pail aside. “I cannot imagine carrying the guilt that has been placed upon you, nor the hardship you are facing. All you and Arthur can do is be there for one another, just as you always are, despite these...circumstances. You do not have to speak, but it is important you listen to him.” He gently took Merlin’s shoulder. “And know that I am here for you, as well. These quarters are a safe place. I will do my best to help all that I can.”_ _

__As they bid one another farewell, Merlin felt at peace for the first time in a long while. If only that feeling would stay._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought merlin needed someone who knew what was happenin, ya know?
> 
> anyway! i think i finally know how this will end! it’s just a question of how to get there!


	12. Another Party, but With Vivien This Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur receives a tempting offer from Lord Edmund as he quietly grieves for Merlin.

Arthur held onto the scarf, even after the funeral, when others told him it would be best to let go. How could he? Was he just supposed to forget about Merlin? Well, that wasn’t going to happen. Arthur washed the fabric himself and kept it at his bedside table.

He couldn’t hide his emotion as well this time around, like he so recently had done with Uther. Arthur let tears freely fall no matter what he was doing. When he thought of Merlin, it was all he could do.

What’s more, Vivien avoided him like the plague. Arthur knew her studies were of utmost importance, but...he feared he was losing her.

He was losing everyone. And he couldn’t control it- they just kept slipping through his fingers. Soon, everyone would be gone, and he’d be all alone, and-

“Sire?”

The sudden weight on his shoulder jolted Arthur from his daze. He flipped around, a sneer curling at his lips. “What is it?” the young king barked at his servant, who’d managed to sneak into his quarters unnoticed.

“Forgive me, Your Highness.” John was, admittedly, becoming better at addressing the king, wasting less time with meaningless praise. “Lady Alia has requested your presence at her family’s estate, overmorrow. For a party.”

Arthur’s head began to spin at the mention of Lady Alia. He could barely remember her face, but her father still seemed insistent upon their engagement. Arthur highly doubted it was she who called for his presence. “Is that all?”

“Well, no...” John hesitated, as if he were afraid Arthur would combust into flame if he said the wrong thing. “Lord Edmund has made a generous proposal. If...you were to accept his daughter’s hand, he says he’s willing to give up half their food supply.”

Arthur tensed. A fist gripped at his heart, squeezing, letting go, and squeezing again. He struggled to think clearly- it would buy some more time for the kingdom, and for Vivien, but...it would end this chapter of Arthur’s life. And that would mean accepting Merlin’s death, which he wasn’t ready to do. “That is quite generous,” he finally managed.

“And? Will you accept?”

“I don’t know. But I will attend the party. Tell them that, at least.”

John left Arthur with his thoughts. A bad idea, really, but how was he supposed to know?

Arthur spent the evening in front of the fireplace. He stared into the light until there was nothing left. It felt like only yesterday he and Merlin were in this very spot, wishing for simpler times.

Thankfully, he wasn’t as out of it as earlier, and noticed when the door creaked open again. The familiar fluttering of book pages told Arthur who it was.

“I’m going to check the wells again tomorrow, and then the fields,” Vivien announced. These were the only times she spoke to him, to give him quick briefings on her progress. “The Lucus still appear to be slowing down, but I suspect it’s because they’ve got something big planned. Gaius has managed to find a few necessary ingredients and will be delivering medicine throughout he next few days. Good night.” Vivien snapped her book shut and spun on her heel, right back toward the doors.

“Wait.”

She stopped. Arthur hadn’t even noticed what he’d said, but it was too late to take it back.

“I think it’s best we don’t distract one another,” the sorceress said harshly.

“I’m not trying to. Just...hear me out.”

Vivien was quiet for a moment, then gave a slow nod. Arthur turned back to the cold hearth.

“Lord Edmund invited me to a formal event. The day after tomorrow,” he began. “And I’ve noticed how hard you’ve been working. You deserve a break.”

“You want me to go with you?” Vivien asked, seemingly dumbfounded.

“You don’t have to. We don’t even have to speak to each other, if that’s what you want. But I thought I’d offer. You know, a chance to get our minds off all this.”

The wind howled outside, making the lull in their conversation all the more noticeable. Finally, Vivien sighed. “I’m not sure. Remember how the last ball went? With the whole forest attacking thing?”

Arthur shot upright. “Where did you hear about that?”

Vivien’s eyes widened, before she awkwardly cleared her throat. “Word, um, travels fast. Though, my point still stands. We need to be ready if the Lucus decide to attack.”

“And we will be.”

“I just don’t want them to catch us off guard.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ll bring my sword along. But I highly doubt anything will happen.”

They met each other’s eyes for the first time in a long while. Arthur nearly forgot how pretty she was. Though, her face seemed gray from so many sleepless nights.

“Fine,” she finally said, cracking a hesitant smile. “Just promise me you won’t wear something stupid.”

_____________

Arthur decided, with the invitation being so short notice, to recycle his masquerade ensemble. Without the mask, of course. It worked just fine as usual formal wear. Still, he couldn’t help but remember Merlin’s laughter as he stared at himself in the mirror, as well as the little exchange that had happened before Arthur even knew what the Lucus were.

He arrived much earlier than Vivien. She promised to catch up, but as the evening began to progress, Arthur wasn’t sure she would even show.

Perhaps she’d been right- they distracted one another. And Arthur needed to think about Lord Edmund’s proposal, preferably deciding what to do before the end of the night.

“Lovely to see you again, King Arthur,” Alia said as she approached him. She looked nice, as always, but Arthur struggled to see her as anything more than a friend. If even that.

No matter. He always knew he’d end up in an arranged marriage. It was time to do what he needed to do, and he would notify Lord Edmund of it by the end of the night.

“Lady Alia,” Arthur replied with a strained smile. “I’m honored to be your guest. Your father wasn’t exaggerating when he said your home was beautiful.”

As they waltzed and spun about, Arthur noticed that Alia seemed...removed. Though she remained polite, she was hardly enthusiastic. He wondered if she knew of her father’s suggestion.

He was just about to mention it when, as the music slowed, his gaze shifted to the brilliant blue gown that suddenly stood among the crowd. It was decked with crimson and gold floral embroidery, while still coming off as fairly simple. But it wasn’t only the dress that caught Arthur’s attention; more so, the person wearing it.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Arthur told his dance partner, “I have something to take care of.”

“Oh, but we’re in the midst of a song! Not to be impolite, but can’t it wait, Your Highness?”

But Arthur was already navigating through the mess of guests, bumping into respected nobles and servants alike, his eyes never leaving the blue dress. Its wearer was looking around in unease.

“Lady Vivien,” he greeted her.

Vivien turned around to meet his eye, her cheeks turning pink. “Oh! Hello. Um. Sorry I’m late. I thought you’d be...dancing.”

“I was. It got a bit boring, though, having the same conversations over and over again.” Arthur took note of her obvious discomfort. “Is something the matter?”

“Well, not exactly. Not in a bad way. I’ve, er, never been to one of these before, as a guest, anyway. And I’ll have you know this dress is not my style in the slightest.”

“It looks most becoming on you.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Vivien said sheepishly. “Meanwhile, I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror. It’s good to know I come off as presentable, at least.”

“Why ever would you not want to look at yourself?”

“This may come as a shock to you, Sir Handsome-Even-After-Getting-Trampled-By-A-Horse, but some people aren’t exactly comfortable with how they look. It’s...difficult to explain, I’m afraid.”

“I see.” Arthur glanced at the orchestra. A few lone lyre notes rang out, and then the gentle plucking of violin strings. “May I have this dance?”

“What?” Vivien looked shocked. “No, no. I couldn’t possibly! Didn’t you hear me when I said I’ve never been a guest at a ball? And, may I remind you, the Lucus could strike at any moment...”

“Come on. You’ll do fine! And besides, it’s our night off,” Arthur reassured her. But it didn’t work. Vivien shrunk back, her eyes glued to the floor.

“Your time would be better spent with someone else,” she mumbled.

Arthur’s heart sank. Was this what it felt like to be rejected? He didn’t want to spend time with someone else. He wouldn’t force Vivien to do anything she didn’t want, but it seemed that she just...didn’t have much confidence in herself.

“I have an idea,” he said. “Come on.”

Arthur held out his elbow to Vivien. She seemed confused at first, then reluctantly took it. His elbow, that is. Not his arm. It really did seem she’d never been to one of these. He didn’t bother to correct her.

They snuck from a back entrance to the main hall, and then another to the estate’s gardens. The constant hum the minuscule waterfall overlapped with the music inside.

“I remember Lord Edmund talking up these gardens,” Arthur said. “I didn’t believe him, but I do admit, I love the flower arrangements. Not as good as the palace, though.”

The waterfall was a nice touch. It made him feel as if they’d walked into a fairy tale. Though, Arthur did notice some rouge flora creeping into the flowerbeds.

“I won’t judge your dancing. Promise,” Arthur said with a grin, offering his hand to Vivien.

“You’d better not.” She looked at him uneasily before accepting.

The music was quite soft by that point, but still audible, and made for a lovely atmosphere. Clouds rolled over the moon and stars in waves. Despite the privacy, though, Vivien still seemed tense. She never met Arthur’s eye, keeping her gaze firmly on anything that wasn’t his face.

Suddenly, she yanked her hands away. “I should go. I’m sorry.”

“Vivien-“

“I can’t look at you without feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders!” Vivien snapped. She sounded more sad than angry. “I can’t look at you without seeing all the mistakes I’ve made. And...it just...hurts too much.”

“Hey. It’s all right,” Arthur said gently. “I think I understand.”

“I don’t think you do.”

She turned back toward the way they’d come, meaning to leave, when Arthur raised his voice.

“When I look at you, Vivien, I see everything that could have been,” he said. “I see the faces of innocent people that my father killed, that I let die, just because we assumed they were dangerous. And to think...they were probably just as beautiful, and kind, and scared as you are, and I can’t...” Arthur couldn’t finish. His words dissolved as a sob choked him, and he turned away, not wanting to let the sorceress see him like this.

Vivien stopped.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

“No, no,” Vivien said quietly. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t even be here. God, I really am an idiot! Why’d I think it was such a good idea to come back to Camelot? I should’ve just...”

Her hands trembled as her voice died. Arthur took them.

“Do you know how lost I would be, if you hadn’t decided to come to Camelot?” He asked. “You may regret it now, but you must know the kingdom would be in ruins by now if it weren’t for you. Not to mention, I’ve learned so much about magic since your arrival. It wasn’t a mistake at all. I think of it as a blessing.”

He lifted her chin. For once, there was more hope in her eyes than hollowness.

“You can’t mean that.” Strands of ebony hair had fallen to frame Vivien’s face, and while she often complained when that happened, she didn’t mention it now.

“Well, I do. Thank you for being here.”

Vivien leaned her head against his chest. They stayed there for a long time, holding one another. Arthur decided against seeing Lord Edmund that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i officially promise that no matter how long this takes, i’m going to finish this story!
> 
> (it’s turning into a bit more of a fairytale setting than i expected- definitely not as middle ages as i wanted, but honestly, i kind of like it)


End file.
